@sozjalltheway: Meanwhile on Facebook, Susan is doing a quiz, to find out what kind of sea monster, her Ex is.
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@hazelmotes1: Mom: *tastefully decorates house* Kid: HERE ARE 20 MILK CARTONS I TAPED TOGETHER TO MAKE A SNOWMAN I EXPECT THIS TO BE PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I wish I was a little bit taller GENIE: done M: I wish I was a baller G: done M: I wish I knew the rest of the lyrics G: done M: dammit
@AmishPornStar1: My weight loss plan is to skip breakfast and lunch... And then eat seven dinners.
@Jeffwni: [job interview] Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish. Would you care to expand?