@TheTweetOfGod: Media, stop using the phrase 'breaking news'. It's been broken for some time now.
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@robdelaney: Just took $20 out of my friend Martin's wallet (he has ALS) because that ice bucket nonsense ruined my new kimono.
@jonnysun: if u went back in time to kill hitler, itd be easier to kil pre-war hitler but then all the germans woud b like "yo why did u kill that kid"
@MrNickNo: That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".
@weinerdog4life: What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone