@mattgallo123: Meditation is fun when you want to do nothing for an hour but still feel a sense of accomplishment.
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@thedayofthedot: i hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore. facebook friends suck.
@bingowings14: I removed Sean Connery's limbs & replaced them with Daniel Craig's arms & Pierce Brosnan's legs. They formed an unlikely Bond.
@BradBroaddus: My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.
@XplodingUnicorn: I was working in the yard. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a snake. I hit it with a shovel. I'm happy to report the garden hose is dead