@DirtyMelodies: Medusa's hair is made of snakes. Does the carpet match the drapes?
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@omerwahaj: The new iPhone 7 is just a slower, heavier, thicker, and much less attractive version of the iPhone 8.
@jamespianka: "And the award for Most British Name goes to..." *Benedict Cumberbatch takes a sip of gin with his eyes closed* "Helena Bonha-" *spews*
@joejwest: DATE: You hear that an ostrich escaped from the zoo? ME: [from the kitchen] No DATE: Oh. What's for dinner? ME: A suspiciously large chicken
@PajamaBen_: Billy where is your homework? "im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it"