@TheCatWhisprer: [medusa's husband sighing and pulling a wad of snakes out of the shower drain]
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@AwkwardTwitts: "Wow, you're tall.. Do you play basketball?" "Wow, you're short. Do you play mini golf?"
@TheAlexNevil: "See you later alligator" "In a whilst crocodile" -why we fought the British for independence
@GrantTanaka: Shoutout to the wife for stacking her shampoo bottles in the shower like she's on her last 3 turns on Jenga.
@MUMSIEesq: ME: I should get out of bed. FRIEND: I already ran 9.5 miles and baked 17 cakes. M: I might shower today. F: My husband invented showers.