@TheCatWhisprer: [medusa's husband sighing and pulling a wad of snakes out of the shower drain]
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@adamhess1: Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I'm up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother.
@JohnLyonTweets: "I knew he was the murderer when I saw him on the dance floor," Holmes said. "You see, Watson, guilty feet have got no rhythm."
@Bill_Nye_Tho__: elephants sleep standing up you could be chillin with an elephant and at any moment they could just be like "lmao for sure, g'night"
@JenniferVaz36: Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it