@grifteezy: Meet my cat, Hemingway. And my two dogs, Faulkner and Whitman. I know what books are. Ah yes, my macaw approaches. His name is Literature
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@sirmunchie: My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn't just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
@TheAlexNevil: Drumpf's presidential campaign in reverse: an increasingly laughable story of an egomaniac running for an office he couldn't possibly win
@SortaBad: Workin hard. Putting my nose to the grindstone. Grinding away that nose. Barely any nose left now. Whole face messed up. Due for a promotion
@Reverend_Scott: Me: "...american cheese, toasted." Her: "What kind of cheese?" Me: "American..." Her: "Want it toasted?" Me: "I'll just make it myself."