@juliussharpe: Meet your girlfriend's brother then realize you're screwing the female version of a guy.
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@TomHerringbone: I can't believe there's a sex offender registry. Who's buying gifts for these people?
@lasergirl70: Friend "Listen to this. I had wine delivered the other night and I ended up having sex with the delivery guy" Me "There's WINE delivery?"
@BetteMidler: Congratulations to Janet Jackson for having a baby at age 50! When I was 50, I wasn’t even strong enough to push a child out of my way.