@juliussharpe: Meet your girlfriend's brother then realize you're screwing the female version of a guy.
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@tigersgoroooar: Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland's best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them.
@msdanifernandez: [dean tries handing me a diploma as I walk across the stage] I have a boyfriend
@WyanRilson: The hardest part of potty training my puppy is shitting outside with him so he can learn how to