@BitterOldPunk: "Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus" is on, followed by "Mega Shark vs Crocasaurus". Nice job, SyFy. Way to GIVE AWAY THAT GIANT OCTOPUS LOSES.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Her: Hi hun. Atilla: [under breath] I told you not to call me that in front of the men. It might stick.
@iinkedZombie: Wife [returns home] have you eaten Me: have you eaten Wife: are you copying me?! Me: are you copying me Wife: I Love You Me: I already ate
@MomOnFire: H: Something's wrong with you. M: Yes. H: No, like for real. M: Yes, I told you that from day one. H: But you were kidding... M: Haha, no.
@Mr_Kapowski: Dogs that belong to homeless people must think "just say you're sorry dude and we can sleep inside tonight"