@sweet_toof: "Meh" -apathetic cow
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@TheMichaelRock: If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn't 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
@Naggalie: I ordered a coffee and the barista asked what size. I told her size didn't matter. We laughed. Then she gave me an extra large coffee.
@Mr_Kapowski: [first date] *don't let her know you're a huge Lionel Richie fan or that you're Waldo* Her: Hi! "Hello, is it me you're looking for?"
@HomeWithPeanut: People without kids should be happy their brain cells work in a fairly normal manner. For example, I've recently looked for my cellphone under the couch...using the flashlight on my cellphone.