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@DaddyJew: [lunch break]
Gf: I have 30min
Me: you thinking what im thinking?
Gf: oh yea *starts undressing
Me: *googles closest laser tag location
@WildeThingy: Sometimes I worry that pizza isn't a real sport
@Weird_Rash: List of food it’s okay to eat with your hands:
- corn on the cob
- chicken wings
- spaghetti at your in-laws
@SonoLibero_8: Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I'll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment.
@ValeeGrrl: Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.