@WarrenHolstein: Melania Trump says her husband is "not Hitler." That's true. Hitler had a mustache and adult-sized hands.
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@shawnspree: In the old days when people knocked on the door, you could hide. Now you have to disconnect from internet and turn off cell phones.
@PopSlapFunk: When 13 witches collectively fart in a cauldron and quickly cover it with a lid... *lowers shades* ...Dutch Coven.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: We need to go to the store. We’re out of milk. Me: We can wait a few days. Wife: We’re out of beer. Me: *dives in the car*