@WarrenHolstein: Melania Trump says her husband is "not Hitler." That's true. Hitler had a mustache and adult-sized hands.
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@kelkulus: I'm stuck in a meeting where a guy keeps saying "utilize" and "leverage" and I'm wondering if I should tell him about the word "use".
@evidentlyblonde: Open an ice cream shop with flavors like "don't be sad," "they're not worth it," "you deserve better" and see if people don't flock right in
@dshack8: Parents w/ 1st Baby: "Aww he's starting to walk! C'mon buddy, u can do it!" Parents w/ Baby #4: "SHIT, HE'S STANDING! QUICK, SWEEP THE LEG!"