@ddsmidt: Meltdowns are what happens when you compartmentalize your thoughts, but forget to label them.
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@nonsensetwit: My fear of spiders happened when I went to hit one with a newspaper, and it looked at me and did pushups saying "try again bro."
@Dildotron: I dont mean to sound racist, but why is my baby black? *doctor sighs for like 3 mins* "Sir, its an ultrasound" *Seinfeld bass riff for days*
@shadygrenade: *ransom note on gun* [1 million dollars by Friday or I shoot your daughter. No exceptions] [ps please mail gun back it's my only one]