@LittleHarmonica: Men always say they like strong, smart women until you argue with them. And then they're all like: You talk too much....and I want my Mommy.
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@AndyAsAdjective: FRIEND: are you going to watch star wars tonight? ME: uhh…yeah…of course [later] ME: [looking up from telescope pointed at night sky] odd…they seem to all be getting along just fine
@Sassafrantz: I THINK [boyfriend goes by] YOU'RE TOO [boyfriend goes by] YOUNG FOR ME [boyfriend goes by] -me breaking up w/ my boyfriend at the carousel
@JosesLovesYou: -911 Whats the emergency? My wife is suffocating me -Literally or figuratively sir? Well thats a stupid question. How would I be talking?
@CourtneyBale: To their credit, selfie sticks may be the only proof future archaeologists have to dispute the notion cameras grew directly out of our arms