@thedailymarker: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Someone cut my 6-year-old's hair She says she didn't do it Be on the lookout for a mysterious hair-cutting bandit who looks just like her
@moooooog35: Me: Wanna have a quickie? Wife: Sure! Me: OMG really? Wife: Wait. Did you say quickie or cookie?
@TheBigBatman: I mean I married my wife for her looks, but not the dirty ones she's been giving me lately.