@thedailymarker: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
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@MaraWilson: FRIEND: Want to do Escape the Room? ME: Dude like 90% of my life is me trying to figure out how to get out of places I don't want to be
@ch000ch: [pours a bag of sugar over a tire fire] hmmm [tastes remnants] i think i'll call it... Twizzlers
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I should tell him how I feel. Beer: Nah. Vodka: Just be sweet about it. Whiskey: Or yell it. Tequila: MAKE SURE YOU CRY GUYS LOVE THAT