@mdob11: Men are like buses, they won't text me back.
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@Rollinintheseat: Kid: "I want to be a doctor when I grow up." Mom: "You can't. Your hands aren't cold enough."
@notthattom: i talk to dumb ppl the same way i talk to a puppy... "who's blocking the exit?? WHO? who's blockin' the way!?! YOU are! yes you are!!!"
@GrantTanaka: "Can you validate my parking?" "You parked beautifully. Your dad would be proud." *wipes away tears* "Thanks."