@iFluff8: Men ask us if we're naked when we tell them we're taking a bath. THAT'S why they pay more for their car insurance.
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@daliamalek: Every time someone makes a typo, I look at the location of the letters on the keyboard to consider whether it's justified.
@jonnysun: me: helo darkness my old friend darkness, who just turned 30 and is totaly self-conscious about his age: cmon man im not old
@gurl_sour: Police found the neighbourhood paedophile shot in the head 27 times. Authorities ruled it the worst case of suicide in a decade.
@ibid78: CASHIER: is there anything else I can help you with? ME: *pulls out my trigonometry homework from 1995* yes, yes there is