@iFluff8: Men ask us if we're naked when we tell them we're taking a bath. THAT'S why they pay more for their car insurance.
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@theyearofelan: Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
@robynpalmer1: Got to THE GATES and St. Peter said, "Go home you're drunk!" Just another time alcohol saved my life.
@aveuaskew: When my evening plans are ruined, I pay it forward by texting "I'm pregnant" to random numbers.
@MichaelTrying: The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*