@lizetagge: Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.
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@seantgreen: One of Jesus' most impressive accomplishments was being 33 years old and still having 12 really close friends.
@DanMentos: "Hey girl wanna go out Saturday night?" No thanks I have a previous engagement "I'm cool with that, hell I've been married like 6 times"
@whalesmells: You're the apple of my eye. The grape of my elbow. The lemon of my foot. The banana of my hair. My sweet hair banana.
@hunz74: My son has the worst altitude ever. He's defiant, rude and floating like six feet off the ground.