@lizetagge: Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.
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@Godhatespants: Actual air attendant: "Secure your mask before helping your kids.if you have multiple, pick the one with the highest earning potential 1st"
@thatstings: Since twitter, I don't go from home to car to work to car to home I go from charger to charger to charger to charger to charger
@ericsshadow: [answers phone during job interview] What's the address here? The Pizza Hut guy can't find me.
@Just_Oh_Susanna: I just want to look as good as Madonna does now when I've also been dead for 27yrs.