@lilgapeach30: Men. Can't live with 'em...can't finish this joke unless I wanna be single the rest of my life.
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@trevso_electric: "Smells fresh. Like a tropical island." "Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"
@tastefactory: We really are the most blessed generation. We've had 7 iPhones and 7 Fast and Furious movies.
@EverydayGirlDad: 4yo: You're a good dad. Me: Thanks. 4yo: You'd be better if you said yes more. Me: Okay. 4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said.