@Douchekevin: Men don't ask for driving directions because we just don't want to arrive wherever you're making us go.
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@badbanana: If you tell me you're a fan of One Direction, please clarify if you're referring to the boy band or Kim/Kanye's baby.
@weinerdog4life: How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it
@JackieMartling: A couple's having breakfast. He says, "Were you faking it last night?" She says, "No, I was really asleep."