@Douchekevin: Men don't ask for driving directions because we just don't want to arrive wherever you're making us go.
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@david8hughes: So my dog's pregnant & she's never been in contact with another dog & I'm having a lot of accusations thrown my way.
@slimmy_shady: I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist.
@tricycle_champ: ME: Man, I really should get glasses. I'm blind as a-- BAT NEXT TO ME: blind as a what ME: um BAT: as a what ME: BAT: say it
@Underchilde: [As a tornado destroys their home] Wife: You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Husband: I really miss Baywatch.