@randomlawless: Men don't ignore us; they have selective hearing. Give them instructions for roasted turkey & they'll remember "breast, thighs, moist & hot"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@slimmy_shady: Therapist: When you look in the mirror, what do you see?Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree
@imdaintyaf: People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS
@angeliav68: The guy next door just put up his Christmas lights... I bet he's pissed because I beat him, I put mine up 5 years ago..
@SteelFontana: Bad: Getting bit by a spider... Worse: ...inside your mouth... Worst: ...while making out with someone.