@MoistPork: Men: Don't lie to your woman, she'll catch you. Don't tell her the truth, she'll be pissed. Just pray for a brick to fall on your head.
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@1Happytwit: A really fat friend sat on her cat, long story short - now I can add search & rescue, proctologist and vet to my resume.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Me: Pick that up! 7: Can't you? Me: You're lower to the ground 7: But you're used to doing things that aren't fun How's your summer going?
@SondraDeeMe: I may be paranoid, but it feels like the world is out to get me. *trips over globe and breaks both legs*
@KarateDonuts: McDonald's is now selling the Big MacGyver. Just a slab of meat a paper clip and some foil with a note that says "You figure it out."