@bornmiserable: MEN: if your date is cold, don't just stand there; be a gentleman and allow her to cut you open so she can crawl inside and keep warm
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@Reverend_Scott: [first date] HER: So, I hear you're a dog person- ME: [tucking my tail between my legs] WHO TOLD YOU
@misfarber: Shouldn't the sea be called an isntland? Sir, I don't know how you keep getting in here, but again, this is not what a think tank does
@jackiembouvier: Friend: I'm getting married! Me: I suffer from IBS. F: Why are you telling me that? M: I thought we were just stating unfortunate truths.