@bornmiserable: MEN: if your date is cold, don't just stand there; be a gentleman and allow her to cut you open so she can crawl inside and keep warm
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@EliTerry: The only way to protect ourselves from eagle attacks is of course MORE eagles. Fill our homes with these gentle, knife clawed birds of prey.
@TheThomason: Professor X gets a lot of credit as a progressive considering his solution to a race conflict was "give them their own school."
@honzogonzo: My bank called me: "sir did you go to dominos at midnight three days in a row in Florida?" Me:....yah Bank:*long pause* "alright then"