@roggyie: Men in suits look really successful until you find out they work for the men in T shirts and jeans
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@okimstillhungry: I see you have a tattoo that says "Only god can judge me." Buddy, you're not gonna believe what im doing right now.
@trentistweeting: ok boss, i duck taped the hostage's mouth shut "you mean duct taped, right?" um... *cuts to hostage with live mallard stuffed in his mouth*
@OctopusCavemann: [2 men standing in an empty basement together] Man 1: “Alright, maybe we should tell a few people about Fight Club.”