@JT_IV_: Men simply like to adjust their junk,
it's not pocket science.
@WheelTod: [Home Depot]
Me: Hi, I'd like to return this toilet plunger, please.
Cashier: I'm sorry, is it defective?
Me: No. It worked great
@2tonbug: I hate when I'm in a restaurant bathroom, and I run out of toilet paper. Like my dinner guests are gonna be scared of HALF a mummy costume
@Kelly_skeleton: Asked my daughter to get me a glass of water & she brought me a glass of wine....she's either Jesus or I gotta remember the lies I tell her
@TheAlexNevil: *wakes up feeling healthy and energetic
Whew, that was close.
@jergarl: Wife: Whatya doin?
Me: I fixed the toilet so I'm adding Potty Fixer to my résumé
W: You mean Plumber?
M: DO I LOOK LIKE A HOUSE SCIENTIST?