@JT_IV_: Men simply like to adjust their junk,
it's not pocket science.
@heytherejeffro: Pretty sure the "FINISH HIM" guy from Mortal Kombat is giving relationship advice to every girl I date.
@daemonic3: [helping kid w/math]
What is 0.1 as a fraction?
Good, now what does 10% mean?
"Battery low, plug in your phone?"
@sammyrhodes: Probably a good thing I'm not a ghost cause I'd just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.
@mattZillaaaa: Whenever someone tells me "make yourself at home" at their house, I always clog their toilet
@bourgeoisalien: The number one cause of depression in people over 30 is hearing co-workers resentfully sing, "Happy Birthday" just to get cake.