@iamk1ts: Men: The Only creature blessed with the superpowers to make Any machine a smoke machine in kitchen especially when his wife isn't home.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Chelsea_Elle: Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn't even care if I killed someone in front of him.
@bobbiejo448: Every time I use <3 in an @ to someone, I can't help but think, "Please accept this carrot with balls as a token of how much I heart you."
@david8hughes: [first date] Me: that is hilarious Date: ... Me: wait, bread or dead? Date: how would my parents be bread?
@LoveNLunchmeat: My wedding vows were until death do us part. Yet nowhere did they specify cause of death...