@sarcasm_inc: Men used to slay dragons, and here I am shuffling around like a penguin with my pants around my ankles looking for extra toilet paper.
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@protolalia: My ex DM'd me to say I'm acting creepy then unfollowed me. Luckily, I have his password so I just refollowed myself and told him he's wrong.
@brakco: I can't help but feel that if Mario hadn't been taking so many mushrooms he would have found the right castle rather quickly..
@dukelongboard: I crack my knuckles, turn to the cops and say "I got this" as I stroll toward the bank robbers and get shot in the face
@krustythe_klown: WTH! @ The audience that just sat and watched the first ever magician to saw a lady in half.