@HMittelmark: Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. Bears want to eat him. Botflies want to lay their eggs in his skin. Fish are unaware of him.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@david8hughes: [soldier dying in my arms] Soldier: tell my wife- Me: dude I'm already giving messages for 3 guys. Just wait until she dies & tell yourself
@Fred_Delicious: [Girl takes off her clothes] "You have had sex before right?" [Me, in a suit of armor & holding a cauliflower] ... "no actually"
@laurajennyjo: Apparently trapping people in an elevator overnight (even if you have marsh mellows) not a good way to make friends, people are so sensitive