@HMittelmark: Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. Bears want to eat him. Botflies want to lay their eggs in his skin. Fish are unaware of him.
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@SprtsHumor: Experts determine Super Bowl blackout was an electrical issue, also determine grass has a green issue.
@WilliamAder: I think Diane knows I was her Secret Santa at this morning's office party, because this afternoon I had to borrow my stapler back from her.
@JasonLastname: First rule of robbing banks is you have to shout, "THIS IS A ROBBERY!" Otherwise they might think it's a baptism.
@WhatTheFFacts: Boxer Sugar Ray dreamt of killing his opponent and backed out, but a priest convinced him to fight, he ended up killing the opponent.