@HMittelmark: Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. Bears want to eat him. Botflies want to lay their eggs in his skin. Fish are unaware of him.
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@randomlawless: Men don't ignore us; they have selective hearing. Give them instructions for roasted turkey & they'll remember "breast, thighs, moist & hot"
@truegritrumble: ME: This is my newborn, straight from the hospital. OTHER PARENT: You're parenting wrong.
@ArfMeasures: ART TEACHER: Why have you painted the water green again? It looks- ME: I'm bringing *puts on sunglasses* Shrek sea back AT: You're expelled