@DarthPutinKGB: Men who claim to only watch the #SuperBowl for the ads are the same ones who say they only read Playboy for the articles.
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@MatCro: GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split up ME: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.
@DevilryFun: Wish a poltergeist would move in so there'd be someone else to blame when I lose my shit.
@LMFaye: The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
@girlontapas: Am I capable of premeditated murder? Your honor, I've been planning my cheat day for two weeks.