@crunchenhanced: Men's underwear should be called "manhole covers"
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@ObscureGent: Nobody discretely coughs blood into a handkerchief while wearing a top hat anymore.
@ForeverHairy: Me: Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms? Kids: WE DO! YAY!
@Jenny4ashley: I almost drowned trying to swim today. The security guard didn't even care he just told me to get the hell out of the mall fountain.
@sageboggs: I'm glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's really come in handy this parallelogram season