@biggt1973: Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana
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@chairmanMAO_92: Why didn't the people in the movie Armageddon just hold up a big sheet of paper when the meteor was coming? Paper beats rock...
@rickolantern: Me: I found this in the fridge with your name on it. Are you gonna eat it? CW: That's my stapler Me: You didn't answer my question
@JohnLyonTweets: -Ho ho ho, what do you want for Christmas? -I want a Kylo Ren lightsaber, a Thor hammer, a Star Trek phaser, a— -I was asking the boy, sir.
@CourtRundell: My parents waited way too long to tell me about Santa and the Easter Bunny. I was so mad I got in my car & drove away.