@VodkaThursday: Me:OMG RYAN GOSLING DIED! Oh. His hair. He dyed his hair. Brown. Can U believe that was a story? Husband: I think it worked great. Me:Zip it
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@TheSadnesses: [first date] “So… you didn’t mention that you’re trapped in 230 million year old amber.” [my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]
@ValeeGrrl: My daughter spelled America "Merica" on a book report so now I'm searching her room for Trump campaign propaganda.
@Snarfernini: I never trust a Tom. They are far too often involved in foolery or peeping for my liking.
@MariyaAlexander: Wearing my lesbian boots today. Well, they're faux lesbian. I don't believe in using lesbians for leather, even if they're farm-raised.