@SincerelyTumblr: mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
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@Quartzjixler: Speed dating (Don't say anything embarrassing) "So do you ever eat raisins and then later poop rehydrated grapes?" (DAMMIT!)
@WildeThingy: Teacher "Hi, why are you here?" Me "Um, isn't this the beginners' philosophy class?" Teacher "Yes and you're off to a really bad start."
@LackOfShame: Brain: What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on? Do the math! Me: Seriously?! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow
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