@SincerelyTumblr: mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
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@jewfacekilla: Girl in the locker room put her pants on the floor and tried to hop into them. I was going to call her awesomepants, but coma girl works too
@ericsshadow: [helping a pretty girl change a flat tire] me struggling to loosen lug nuts: Who put these on... Superman? her: I did
@ventivodkacran: ...and the award for best lead actress in a dramatic role goes to me for "I Have A Sinus Infection, Why Don't You Care That I'm Dying"
@topaz_kell: I love horror movies until it's time to do laundry in the basement and I have to run up the stairs before a scary force pulls me back down.