@SondraDeeMe: Me:She's better than me.
BF:She's not.
M:Look at those, they're incredible!
BF:
M:STOP STARING!
-Boyfriend reading other women's tweets
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@1CleverGirl1: If both kids are screaming.... ....both kids are alive. It's science
@CornOnTheGoblin: [answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?
@joejwest: [beach] [a foot washes up] [next, a boot] [I combine them] [more parts arrive] [I keep building] [I stand back] ME: Oh no..you?! HITLER: Yep
@KalvinMacleod: [pearly gates] ANGEL: bad jokes are not allowed in heaven ME: ok ANGEL: that means absolutely no puns ME: abSOULutely *clouds turn to fire*
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