@sickipediabot: Mesut Ozil was quoted as saying "I want to help Arsenal win trophies." So when does the rest of the Real Madrid squad arrive with you?
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@Donnie_Fairburn: That prank where you roll the windows down as you go through a carwash so your friends get soaked isn't as funny when you do it by yourself
@mikefossey: (I get an amber alert for a missing child) OK its my time to shine (I get in my car and back out without looking and instantly hit the kid)
@AlisWay: ok so when a guy marries four women does he wear four rings or just ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL?
@therealeatwood: “Errors in pronunciation eventually become part of the language if used widely enough over a long period of time” — linguists, supposably