@sickipediabot: Mesut Ozil was quoted as saying "I want to help Arsenal win trophies." So when does the rest of the Real Madrid squad arrive with you?
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@Sarcasticsapien: Me: How are you? Coworker: I can't complain. Me: *sticks finger in his coffee* Coworker: I just paid for that! Me: I knew you were lying.
@1_swarthy_dude: "Did anyone else's house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices..........oh U2?"
@JanineEB4: My kids in public are direct payback for every time I shriek'd PLEASE DON'T HIT ME AGAIN at my mom in the middle of a crowded mall as a kid.