@weinerdog4life: Met someone on Craigslist, guess I'm dating a grill now.
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@Izianikapani: Sue from work says putting zucchini in her brownie makes it incredibly moist. I told Sue I've had similar successes.
@CatherineLMK: How come when someone says “we need to talk” it’s never about ice cream or Star Wars?
@RobbieGramer: Trumps’ “VOICE” Hotline set up for people to report on crime from illegal aliens was reportedly overloaded with calls about space aliens