@bromanconsul: met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen
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@SardonicTart: I don't go to the circus. Not because I'm scared of clowns, but because I'm scared of people who go to the circus.
@Dallani: One time, I broke my iPhone and for 2 days I had to tweet from my Macbook like a God-dammed homeless person I don't like to talk about it
@RoosterMustache: *pulls away from kissing my girlfriend's twin* TWIN: she'll never find out about us ME: thanks dude you're a trustworthy guy