@bromanconsul: met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen
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@InternetHippo: ME: Why can’t everyone just be nice EVERYONE: Why can’t you ME: Don’t change the subject
@TheDailySchmuck: I hate when I shape my hand like a phone to tell someone to call me, but they're in their 20s and don't know what phones used to look like.
@AGStr8upNinja: I don't play mario kart with my brother anymore. Because we are both in our 20's & my mom is not there to split us up when we fight.
@markedly: HER: I've never known someone to google things during sex ME: we learned a lot though HER: you screamed "ostriches are faster than horses"