@AcceptableLoses: Met the daughter's new boy friend. Grabbed his crotch and whispered 'looking forward to tonight's three way'... And that is that.
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@PajamaBen_: *cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you
@Snotgun: I've conditioned myself to only poop at work. Now my bathroom smells great but I can't take more than 2 days off w/o terrible constipation.