@Cajun_Ninja: Met this nice girl at the mall today. Her name was No. and coincidentally her number was also No.
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@AddTequila: My son: "Dad what's a douche bag?" Me: see that guy sitting with his friends wearing a Bluetooth?....
@fuzzlime: Tweriod: That time of the month when all my tweets are moody, retain water and are about chocolate and cheesecake
@HomeProbably: After 10 missed calls in a row, I'm tempted to answer the phone just so I can find out who wants to be murdered.