@Cajun_Ninja: Met this nice girl at the mall today. Her name was No. and coincidentally her number was also No.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [outside of bank] Guy (puts on pantyhose mask): Ok! Guy 2 (puts on mask): Ready! Me (wearing pantyhose): Ok, I'm gonna need a minute.
@goldengateblond: Wait til the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald's find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
@3sunzzz: [Halloween] Me: How adorable! I love your ghost costume! 14: *sigh* I AM NOT A GHOST! I'M SHEET-FACED.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: This is the 3rd time I've seen you slacking off today. Do you know what that means? Me: You want me to move the couch into my office?