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@ibid78: *meteor is about to hit earth*
Earth: I have a boyfriend
@daemonic3: [having heart attack] HELP...CAN'T...MOVE
ME: Dude, are you ok?!
ME: Oh, sorry!! Doctor, are you ok?!
@Carbosly: Me blacking out when I'm drunk is God's way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
@EJGomez: God: u can ask me 1 question
me: ok if the singular of geese is goose is the singular of sheep a shoop
devil: welcome to hell
@NurseSeymour: Sorry I haven't returned your text in 3 days, I was taking a nap.
@Cheeseboy22: "And then we'll have the throat hole open up and a rectangle candy will drop from it. Kids will love it." ~ Inventors of Pez dispensers.