@dxblarssonENG: Meth addicts gets all their drug money from the tooth fairy.
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@KittyShittyy: *deletes fb account* *leaves social media* *goes to Himalayas* *pigeon comes with a note* *opens note* *candy crush request* *dies*
@KevinFarzad: Real girls have curves. A real girl is just one long, continuous curve. Do not date girl unless she is a parabola.
@MichaelLarrick: I always try to put some condom wrappers in my garbage so the raccoons that go through my trash think I'm cool.
@iwearaonesie: *wife walks in* *sees cheese balls everywhere* *shakes head* "what? 8 won't get better at catching food in his mouth if we don't practice"