@Ivsy01: Me:Thank you, he's so hot I don't even know what I want to do first...Grandma: (interrupting) Okay, can someone else say the prayer please?
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@Jake_Vig: Customer service stopped recording my calls for training purposes. There's nothing to be learned from that much profanity.
@Marilyn_Brando: [Shipwrecked diary] Day 1: I found a pen, and a notebook to write in. More pens. I might be in a Staples. Printer paper. I'm in a Staples.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: How many people in America do you think I can trick into believing that Brexit is the name of one of Sarah Palin's kids?
@rad_milk: i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead