@Ivsy01: Me:Thank you, he's so hot I don't even know what I want to do first...Grandma: (interrupting) Okay, can someone else say the prayer please?
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@SamuelHLowe: I forgive you, but I hope your death is written, produced, and directed by Quentin Tarantino.
@Staggfilms: [first date] Her: You made a giant Pentagram out of fries and ketchup? Me: Just get naked and step into the circle. Don't make this weird.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: how do you explain the long gap in your resumé? Me: I fell asleep with my face on the spacebar
@LoveNLunchmeat: Age 28: forgets to wash face & moisturize, wakes up w/ smudged sexy eye make-up Age 38: forgets to wash face & moisturize, wakes up a dragon