@kumailn: Michael Bay looks like if cocaine was a person.
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@EndhooS: [Back at her place] Date: talk dirty to me Me: uhh...dust is basically just flakes of dead skin Date: Eww, wtf? Me: I mean... uh, limescale can shorten the life your kettle
@beefman138: [Logging in] • Password must be 6 digits Me : *Types "6 digits"* Computer : You are an imbecile.
@Be___Dope: :office birthday party: CW: Would you like to sign the card? Me: Nah, just here for the cake. Karen will understand. CW: His name is Joe.
@McGrumpenstein: I put my pants on like everybody else: in constant fear that my button will surrender to the intense pressure it’s under.