@AlexRogaski: Michael Cera forgets to do laundry and has to wear a doctor costume to the hospital. He's too shy to refuse people and performs 3 surgeries.
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@JohnLyonTweets: My sports-obsessed ex-wife didn't ask me for a divorce. She told me she was trading me for a player to be named later.
@wesjohnson8: The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.
@OrangeFact: [Court] ME: You expect us to believe your alibi — that everybody’d gone surfin’? Surfin’ USA? BEACH BOYS: *sweating* Y-yeah ME: Then how do you explain this?! *I hold up a picture showing that everybody was kung-fu fighting*