@AlexRogaski: Michael Cera forgets to do laundry and has to wear a doctor costume to the hospital. He's too shy to refuse people and performs 3 surgeries.
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@trevso_electric: I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
@juliussharpe: I'll vote for whichever candidate promises to get rid of banner ads that move when you scroll down.
@jazmasta: [running from a knife wielding murderer] oh hell yeah, my Fitbit steps are gonna be OFF THE SCALE today