@EndhooS: [Michael Cera melting like a slug because there's too much salt on his fries]
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@JasonLastname: Law enforcement's cracking down on texting while driving, but there's no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
@carlyken: I'm trying to teach my toddler how to headbang but he's pissed because he wants a bottle. I told him to save that anger for the mosh pit.
@GFGander: People need to learn how to record their name on a voicemail system. "You have one new voicemail from... *heavy breathing* Toooooooddddd"