@TheToddWilliams: *Michael Cera presses too hard with a crayon and breaks his wrist*
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@SteveSuckington: [1st time on phone with a girl] I've got butterflies in my stomach It's so cute that you're nervous [eating 2nd bowl of butterflies] huh?
@NervousJr: The same woman who said "I'm your mom not your friend" has sent me 17 Facebook friend requests.
@JKNenagh: Policeman:"Sir, we have sufficient evidence to believe that this vehicle has been stolen. Me: how Policeman: Step out of the tank Sir
@TheBoydP: If tennis rules were chasing the ball and bringing it to your opponent without letting him have it, my dog would be the best in the world.