@TheToddWilliams: *Michael Cera presses too hard with a crayon and breaks his wrist*
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@Cravin4: Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.
@missmayn: What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods? Teenagers these days be all “I hate you mom I’m joining ISIS.”
@iGreenMonk: I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out
@robknepper: Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man who is dangerously allergic to fish a fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.