@meatlobes: Michael Cera pretending to read the nutritional facts when his dad catches him struggling to open a jar of pickles
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@bathflyer: A ponytail so tight I look 5 years younger and everyone thinks I've been smiling all day.
@wheatnik: My bucket list is just the words "afford things" written in orange crayon on a paper towel.
@Smethanie: The Macarena began playing through the dental office speakers as I lied helpless with the hygienist's hands in my mouth today. #survivor
@briangaar: How about a superhero whose power is TAKING CARE OF HIS KIDS *high-fives Maury audience while Batman storms off*