@TheToddWilliams: *Michael Cera stubs his toe on a cotton ball*
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@hazelmotes1: Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE
@sixfootcandy: I only had 3 goals in Monopoly as a kid: Dog game piece Boardwalk and Park Place. Steal your money when you go to the bathroom.
@Reba_aa: I want someone to push me up against the wall.. lean in.. and softly whisper... "I'll do your housework for you"
@blade_funner: "You suck." "No, you suck." "Really, you suck." "Please, you suck." "You suck, I insist." -- Polite vampires.