@TheToddWilliams: *Michael Cera stubs his toe on a cotton ball*
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@isabelzawtun: *walks outside to see an abandoned post-apocalyptic desert, humanity wiped out, no one to be seen* "Ugh the ONE day my hair looks perfect"
@TheTalkingPipe: The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she'll call security.
@AmishPornStar1: Me: Ooh, I'd love to go to your party, but I have a dentist appointment. Her: On a Saturday night? Me: I've got really bad teeth.