@gagging: Michael Jackson breaks into WALMART. He only steals lotion. Turning to the security camera he whispers "smooth criminal" and moonwalks away
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@SteveDutzy: Hey, we never talked in high school! Let's be Facebook friends so we can once again never talk! JUST LIKE OLD TIMES!
@AGStr8upNinja: She told me she liked it doggy style so I gave her a treat & took her for a walk.
@DaHess1: Tonight's flirtation brought to you by the letter Booze. It's a word? Whatever, man. I don't know algebra and shit.
@bumlaser: Attempted to have a bath. I am 6'2". The bathtub most certainly is not. I looked like a praying mantis trying to take a nap in an iPod dock.