@gagging: Michael Jackson breaks into WALMART. He only steals lotion. Turning to the security camera he whispers "smooth criminal" and moonwalks away
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@DaddyJew: [on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll] Are you sure you're ok?
@ktmcburr: I wonder if giraffes can eat so much their stomach explodes bc they just don't know it right away cuz it's in their neck for so long. What.
@Marlebean: It's a bit unnerving when "make chloroform" & "make friends" are the top suggestions as I type "how to" in the search engine...