@gagging: Michael Jackson breaks into WALMART. He only steals lotion. Turning to the security camera he whispers "smooth criminal" and moonwalks away
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@AGreaterMonster: Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn't mean I'm getting old, right? Means I'm turning into a werewolf! Right?
@ShesARealGenius: Him, sweaty from working out: Hey, babe, c'mere Me: Don't come any closer while you still have activity juice all over you
@juliussharpe: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.