@adult_keverage: Michael Phelps & I have a combined 19 gold medals & 4 DUI's.
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@Cali_Kid_Mike: If you want a waitress to leave you alone for a half hour, tell her you need 5 more minutes to order.
@designersays: If you love someone set them on fire. Did I get that right? Oh god what have I done. It's SET THEM FREE isn't it? Sorry burning loved one.
@Sickayduh: I tried to kill a spider by drowning it in douche and now it keeps picking fights with me on social media