@Elizasoul80: Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath.
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@lloydrang: I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree. I think I found my spirit animal.
@TheSweetestD_: The only difference between a psychiatrist and a drug dealer is that the drug dealer doesn't make you wait an hour.
@robdelaney: Why aren't these people with Ebola doing the ice bucket challenge? Don't they want to get better?
@GetCougarized: Customer spelling her name: Me: Is that V as in Victor or Z as in Zebra? Her: Z as in Xylophone. And this, kids, is why education is key.